At the beginning of a new year, many of us resolve to do a better job with our money. And there are plenty of practical personal finance resources available to help us earn more, spend less, save more, reduce debt or invest wisely.
Then why do so many of us abandon these goals by March? That’s where Jessica Moorhouse’s new book comes in: Everything but Money: The Hidden Barriers Between You and Financial Freedom.
Jessica and I met back in 2016 when I was a guest on her More Money podcast (I returned in 2019 and 2021!) I knew she was working on a book, but didn’t know exactly what personal finance topic(s) it would tackle.
As a CPA, I know that the numbers don’t lie and I’ve always focused on the financial , rather than the emotional side, of money. That’s why I found Jessica’s well-written and well-researched book to be a refreshing take on money management: money therapy that goes beyond the budget and gets to the root of your relationship with money. Because I learned a lot from reading Everything but Money, I wanted to interview Jessica, dig a bit deeper and share it with you:
Tell us about yourself and how you came to you write this book? In other words: Why you? Why now? Why this book?
I’ll be honest, this wasn’t the book I thought I’d write. But as it turned out, it was the book I needed to write. I’ve been a financial content creator for over 13 years now, and a financial counsellor for 8. Over those years, I’ve had the privilege of talking to hundreds of people about their money struggles, and the one thing that I always noticed was that most people’s struggles with money were actually about everything but money. Sure, sometimes money is the problem when you aren’t earning enough to meet your expenses or savings goals. And if that’s the case, I can recommend hundreds of amazing personal finance books to help people learn strategies to increase their income, decrease their expenses, and find more balance with their cash flow.
But for everyone else who on paper should have their finances together, but for some reason they keep overspending, underspending, or just generally can’t figure out why they have such a negative relationship with money, this is the book that will help them when all those other money books couldn’t.
What’s so interesting looking back on the past two years of writing this book is, I needed to write this book not just because it didn’t already exist but I also needed to heal from my own toxic relationship with money. So I don’t just guide readers on this journey of financial self-discovery, I go on the journey with them!
Are you a financial therapist? Actually, what is a financial therapist? And if not, please tell us more about your background.
I’m not a financial therapist, and actually that designation is relatively new and only exists in the U.S. (no other countries recognize it yet). My background started as a financial content creator back when I started my first blog in 2011, but since that time I’ve become an Accredited Financial Counsellor Canada® and I’m one exam away from getting my Qualified Associate Financial Planner (QAFP) designation.
The Certified Financial Therapist™ designation was created by the Financial Therapy Association, a non-profit based in the U.S. that was founded in 2009. To qualify for this designation, you already have to be a therapist, social worker, or financial planner, and it aims to teach professionals how to integrate, cognitive, emotional, behavioral, relational, and financial aspects of well-being into their practices. I certainly hope this designation becomes available in Canada and other countries soon because I know first-hand that there are so many people looking for this type of specific help.
Who is the audience for this book? i.e. who do you think can gain the most from reading it?
I wrote it for anyone, at any age, who hasn’t necessarily felt heard or seen reading other personal finance books. But most especially, this book is for anyone who is ready to be vulnerable and open to digging deep to find out how to make lifelong change with their finances, instead of searching for quick-fixes or band-aid solutions that either don’t work or stop working after a short amount of time.
What are some of the most costly mistakes people make when they don’t have a good understanding of their relationship with money?
I’d say repeating patterns without knowing the “Why?” behind those patterns. I don’t believe that people are bad with money. I just don’t. Sure, some people can pick up certain financial strategies or knowledge quicker than others, but at the end of the day, anyone can learn how to manage their money. It’s a skill, not a talent. But more than that, if you’ve been unsuccessful financially, it’s not just because you lack motivation or self-discipline. It’s likely because something else is going on inside. And more often than not it’s something from your past that is making it hard for you to move forward and make better financial decisions. One thing I talk about in the book is that we need to stop asking ourselves “What’s wrong with me?” when we look at our money and aren’t happy with some of the choices we’ve made. Instead, we need to start asking “What happened to me?” Everyone has a story, we just need to figure out what that story is so we can start connecting the dots.
What are the biggest benefits clients and readers can achieve when they do address their underlying issues with money?
They can finally break out of cycles they thought they were doomed to stay in forever. For instance, one thing I’d hear from clients is their fear that they’d always been in debt or they’d never be able to save up enough for retirement. And this fear stems from them trying and failing to stick to a budget, or being really strict with their finances and seeing progress, then falling off and undoing all the progress they made. If you can find the root cause of why you keep behaving in certain ways with your money, you can learn the tools for how to finally break free of those patterns.
Your book addresses the cognitive biases we’ve developed that work against our ability to make sound financial decisions. Are there any that particularly impact young people?
Herd mentality always comes to mind with young people, especially with the popularity of platforms like Reddit, YouTube and TikTok. You see one person buy Bitcoin online, then everyone in the comments says they’re going to buy in too. Then you start feeling this immense pressure to join in because everyone is doing it and you don’t want to miss out! We saw this exact thing happen with GameStop-mania in 2021. Everyone started buying GameStop stock because it looked like everyone else was doing it. The stock’s value skyrocketed, but then it hit its peak and plummeted, and a lot of young investors, especially those who used leverage with an app like Robinhood, lost a ton of money because they just followed the crowd instead of doing their research and fully knowing what they were getting themselves into.
Can you tell us about the PERMA+ model to increase well-being and happiness over the long term and how we can use it on our financial journeys and those of our children?
I loved writing about the PERMA+ model because it’s a helpful reminder about what’s really important in life. The model goes through all the things that actually make people happy, and most of those things are free or don’t cost that much money. For instance, M is for Meaning. We find happiness when we feel like our life has purpose and we can connect to something bigger than ourselves, which we can find through family, religion, social causes, and politics. Another one I love is E for Engagement. We are really happy when we can be fully engaged in something and lose track of time, like when we’re reading a good book or doing a puzzle. Essentially, PERMA+ shows how, although money can be used as a tool to help you gain happiness, money itself isn’t happiness.
What are some examples of money well spent?
What I’ve found is that’s really up to the individual, and often we are influenced by others so we may not even know what money well spent means to us. My book provides some exercises and the space for readers to really think about what this means for them. With that said, the science does say that if we’re talking about happiness, experiences always provide more happiness for a longer period of time than material goods. For me, every time I think about money well spent, it usually has something to do with travel or spending quality time with family or friends.
You describe many ways in which the lessons people absorb from parents and grandparents can have a negative impact on their money stories? What about the opposite – instances where parents and grandparents have had a positive impact on their children’s relationship with money?
In the book I walk readers through an exercise to deconstruct their money story, which simply means figuring out where their attitudes, feelings and values with money came from. Often these things are learned based on what we observed with our caregivers. Sometimes, the lessons we learned are helpful. For instance, I know I learned how to live within my means and avoid getting into debt by observing my mom balance that family budget growing up, and that’s helped me tremendously as an adult. But then there were also some lessons I realized I needed to unlearn because they were holding me back, such as to be conservative when investing. Although choosing conservative investments can be good for certain circumstances, there are also financial risks to playing it too safe. Ultimately, what you want to do is keep the lessons that are still helping you and then let go of the lessons that are no longer serving you (or never were!). This is how you can rewrite your money story so you can finally move forward.
Given the focus of my own work teaching the next generation about money, what lessons can parents (or grandparents) take from your book when trying to teach their kids about money? What can we do to avoid perpetuating money trauma?
Being a parent is honestly an impossible job. You can do everything “right” but you can’t protect your kids from everything. That’s just life. I know it’s been particularly difficult for my parents to read about my own traumas growing up because they were the most amazing parents. So all I could tell parents is to be open and honest with your kids, and when talking about money, always come from a place free of shame and blame. We need to get away from telling our kids that money isn’t something that should be talked about openly, and be cognizant when we are talking about money in a negative way when your kids are around because you never know what they are hearing and internalizing. The best lesson you could teach your kids about money is that you are in control of it, not the other way around. And no matter what mistakes you make, you can always fix them and change the path you’re on.
Based on all of the research and work that went into this book, do you have any specific advice for financial advisors who work with families?
One thing I’ve been imploring the financial services industry to do for years is that they need to listen more. And not just to the words their clients are using, but to the words left unsaid, their tone, and the stories they share that you think are irrelevant and getting you all off track from the original point of conversation. You can learn a lot from just listening and letting your clients talk. That’s a big reason why I became a financial counsellor first. I wanted to learn how to counsel clients, not just advise them.
